


Color Me Blue

by Vykinq



Category: Half Life VR But The AI Is Self Aware, Half-Life
Genre: Bonding, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Found Family, M/M, More tags to be added, NO nsfw for respect, Post-Canon, Robbery, Slow Burn, and i rlly mean slow burn but it's gonna be so worth it, gordon has become a lot more chill since he's been away from black mesa, however..... fluff and kisses and all that shall come later, takes place during (and later after) the acab stream
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-06-04
Updated: 2020-06-18
Packaged: 2021-03-04 00:08:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 8,390
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24534337
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Vykinq/pseuds/Vykinq
Summary: Gordon is adjusting to life now that he knows it isn't real, and honestly maybe coming to terms with it is for the better. But, it's harder for him to forgive and forget than it is for his friends. This proves to be a problem when Benrey seems more genuine than he ever has.//Basically, Benrey and Gordon try to fix the rough patch in their rocky 'friends but only at the best of times' relationship. There's lots of gay pining and internal struggle, all that good jazz. More tags to be added later include but are not limited to angst, hurt-comfort, kisses, and more. Title used to be 'I lived, Bitch'!
Relationships: Benrey/Gordon Freeman
Comments: 36
Kudos: 289





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I had such a strong urge to write a fic because I keep looking for something super specific and no one has it so I'm making it myself! Damn, these bitches gay! Good for them! Good for them.  
> Also as stated in the summary I plan on this being a very delicious slow burn fic with lots of bonding obviously focused on gordon and Benrey, but I also want to enrich their friendgroup as a whole. And if for whatever reason u are reading this wayne, which u are not.... I am not putting nsfw gordon is safe. However he is not safe from the eventual smooches Benrey has to offer. I am sorry.

“Tommy, you have the first aid kits on you right? And the ammo packs? We’ll be putting a lot of bullets into these pigs so we’ll be relying on you for support.”

“Y-Yes Mr. Freeman! I have everything in my backpack.” Tommy patted the rough fabric of the backpack before shouldering it on. Gordon would say he was worried, if he didn’t see what Tommy was capable of back in black mesa. 

Maybe he didn’t exactly want to rob a casino, but… in all honesty this was the third time they’ve done something like this and Tommy had enough exposure to it that Gordon didn’t see much waver in his actions. It was still good to check on him every once in a while though, since he seemed to have the most trouble understanding their state of existence. So, he settled a gloved hand on the lanky man’s shoulder and pat it a few times. “Doin’ alright bud?” He asked, and Tommy took in a breath before answering. “Yeah- everything is gonna be okay, I’ve gotten used to it. How much money do you think is gonna be in there?” He wondered aloud, and Coomer chimed in with his guess from the front passenger side of their getaway van. “Well Tommy, I’d bet on at least ten US dollars!”

A few months ago maybe that statement may have annoyed Gordon, but he’s learned to find most of his friends’ less than helpful input endearing. Darnold chimed in over their earpieces, with a… VERY slightly more plausible number, but one that was still only technically correct. “I believe we’re in on the biggest one yet- there has to be a hundred dollars in there, gang!” Gordon nodded at the statement, and thought about the question himself. 

“I mean it’s probably a lot more than that, it’s a Casino. I’m thinking at least a million right?” 

“Good god Gordon, what casinos are you going to?! Stop making up stupid numbers”, Bubby scolded from the driver’s seat, and everyone in the car nodded in agreement. 

“Yeah M-Mr. Freeman that was a pretty bad guess. I can- I can’t even comprehend that many dollars.” Tommy added, and Gordon let out a huff of a laugh. Why are they always like this? Aren’t AI supposed to be… you know, intelligent? Oh well, he eventually started wondering sometime near the end of act 4 if they were seriously just fucking with him all the time by pretending he was wrong about most things. 

Actually act 4? What the fuck is that? Gordon thought about it, but only for a few seconds before a creeping panic bubbled in the pit of his stomach and he pushed away the thought. He isn’t sure what that means or why he thought of that, but he shut it down pretty quickly. Now isn’t the time to contemplate his existence and the existence of the world around him. 

Brakes squealed quietly as they stopped in a parking spot outside of the casino, and they all geared up before nonchalantly strolling inside. For whatever reason the business was practically empty, save for some employees and a very select few gamblers who were wasting their hard earned money on mind-numbing games of chance. The employees and security didn’t seem to suspect a thing, but that was a given since they haven’t actually done anything yet. 

Gordon wanted to scope the place out a little more before they made any moves, so he gave a few cues to the science team, and they disbursed while he blended in by heading to the nearest ATM to withdraw a couple bucks. I mean, if they were going to rob the place, might as well play a little bit while getting the layout. As he took a glance in the other direction, it seemed as if Bubby had the same idea, seeing as how he was already shaking the coin pusher machine. Good lord, Gordon really hoped they didn’t do something stupid while he took some last looks around.

Gordon was so focused on what his other team members were doing, that the voice that resonated behind him made him physically jump. That voice was so… no fucking way. Gordon whipped around, and his heart started to thump wildly in his chest. No way. What? “What?” He repeated out loud, eyes widened and staring at the security guard that now stood in front of him. The sudden appearance was jarring, but the worst part is that Gordon somehow, some way fully expected this deep down.

For whatever reason lately, he’s just been having this… knowledge about things. The best way to describe it was like when you’re a child and you just know that fire is hot even though maybe you’ve never stuck your hand near it. No one has ever told you, and you’ve never experienced the burn, but somehow you just know. In black mesa he ‘knew’ of a few things, and there was so much shit going on that dealing with that and the fact that the world as he knew it was falling apart around him just proved to be all too much for his mental capacity. After everything he’s experienced though, he started to ‘know’ more and more. Eventually, the thought came to his mind as he was taking a shower one night, that this world he lives in isn’t real. 

The suspicion that something was off had always been in the back of his mind, but for whatever reason it was then that it truly settled in- this isn’t real. None of them are. They’re all AI. AI for what he wasn’t sure, but definitely not real living breathing human people. After some much smaller, yet still astounding discoveries about the world around him, something else had dawned on Gordon fairly recently. Benrey could have been revived. He had been ignoring that nagging thought this entire time, but here he is standing right in front of him. 

“What the fuck are you doing here? I killed you- we killed you!” Gordon seethed in a thinly veiled whisper, trying to keep the attention away from them. 

“Yeah, and that wasn’t very nice of you, friend. A real asshole move. Not cool.” Benrey scoffed, crossing his arms as if this wasn’t a huge deal. Anger like no other boiled in Gordon’s chest and he grit his teeth, remembering just how fucking obnoxious Benrey is. 

“Look man-” He poked at Benrey’s armored chest with a forceful finger, but realized that his voice had gotten a little too loud when one of the slot-goers took a curious look at them. Fuck, as exasperated and furious as he felt, he can’t blow this whole operation just because fucking Benrey made him lose his cool. Okay, chill. You can do this. You can be calm, freeman. 

“Fuck it, come on,” Gordon groaned quietly as he took a firm hold of the security guard’s wrist and pulled him around the corner where they’d have a little more privacy. God, he’s never wanted privacy with Benrey before. Ugh. I guess that’s what’s necessary right now though. As Gordon pulled Benrey along, the other piped up in a monotone, yet provoking voice as usual. “Oh? Takin’ me where no one can see, huh Feetman? Wanna kiss?” 

No matter how used to Benrey’s bullshit he got, statements like that always managed to send him into a confused fury. “W-what? What? What are you talking about? Whatever- YOU should be dead! Why the fuck are you here? Why show up now?” Gordon asked questions in as quiet of an angry frenzy as he could manage, and had to resort to gripping Benrey’s shoulders to stop himself from wildly gesturing like he tended to do when he was stressed the hell out. 

Gordon had very little patience in general, but with Benrey it was just about zero, which was really hard to cope with when the man looked like he was spaced out of this world. He only waited a few seconds before prodding him with a few snaps next to his ear, and he could almost see his eyes refocus. Jesus christ. “Answer me.”

“Calm down.” Benrey deadpanned, looking a little confused.

“Did you even hear what I fucking said?”

“Yeah.”

Holy shit he’s gonna break a blood vessel. Gordon let go of Benrey’s shoulders to allow himself one frustrated wild gesture. “Well???”

Benrey looked like he was thinking again. Several painstaking seconds passed. “Well, I got all better so I’m back now. Got this stupid ass job here, it sucks, no one even plays playstation. Just a bunch of old-”

“Benrey I can not fucking stress to you how much I don’t fucking give a single shit about your god damn video games. I just-” Gordon felt a deep throb in his head begin, and he had to take a breath to recenter himself. Just chill out, Freeman. He’s a fucking asshole, and he’s annoying, but obviously he isn’t making any moves to hurt him so that’s something. That matters. “Whatever, just, are you going to try and kill us again, yes or no. I’m not wasting any fucking time bullshitting around, if you’re gonna kill me let me know so I can send your ass back to black mesa in a coffin and get it over with.” Gordon pressed. 

It was a surprise, but something akin to sadness emanated from Benrey’s expression, which Gordon thought was strange because he didn’t exactly emote often. When he did it definitely wasn’t sadness. More like… smugness. Yeah he did show a lot of smugness. Obnoxious bastard. “Nah man, we already did that. That’s lame.” Benrey looked away, and peeked around the corner, presumably seeing if the others were here as well. As he did, Gordon had the strange instinct to believe Benrey. He was some weird… alien (?) being right? Maybe he was telling the truth. Honestly it would make sense. If an otherworldly god-like being already lived the experience of killing them why would he want to just do the same thing again? Still, he wasn’t entirely convinced. 

“Yo, Tommy’s here too? And the others?” Benrey pointed out, and then turned his head back to Gordon to glance him up and down. For a moment he felt violated. “Are you guys gonna rob this place?”

Gordon swallowed hard, trying to think of an answer for that. I mean he was a security guard here so he shouldn’t tell him right?

“Can I come with you guys?” He asked, and Gordon couldn’t help but be confused once more. You’d think you’d get used to the nonsense someone says when they’ve said it enough times but Benrey was truly unpredictable. That was the last thing he thought Benrey would have wanted. 

“Huh?”

“What do you have cotton in your ears, nerd? I asked if I can rob this place with you guys.”

Gordon had to grasp for words. “B-but- wait, you hate stealing, that was your whole deal right? You wanted to stop me from stealing stuff? Which back then I WASN’T, by the way.”

“But you’re stealing now. So you’re a thief. You could have stolen all the- all the… Gatorade-”

“Powerade.”

“-Powerade.” Benrey corrected, and seemed to look around at everything except Gordon, although his expression was still uninterested. 

“So, are you like, cool with stealing then? All of a sudden?” Gordon questioned again, and the response he got was an infuriating dismissive shrug from the shorter man. 

“Okay- okay fine, I mean, I guess so, unless they have a problem wi-”

“Hello Gordon! Hello Benrey! It’s about time we meet again!” Dr. Coomer interrupted them from the other side of the corner, walking out to show himself. Benrey put up a peace sign. “Yo.”

Pretty soon, Tommy came trotting along and Bubby came striding in tow. “Is that you Benrey? Wow, you look less scary than before!” Tommy exclaimed, and reached out to fist bump his friend. Dr. Coomer piped up again with a ‘whisper’ which actually was just his usual speaking volume, but breathy. “Well Mr. Freeman, I do believe we’re wasting time. We’d better get a move on!” He prompted, and Gordon took a moment before begrudgingly bringing up the latest development in their plans. 

“Well, actually… ugh. Benrey wants to come too, is that okay with you guys? I’ll keep a close eye on him.” He grumbled, and somehow unsurprisingly, he was met with absolutely no resistance. 

Bubby was the first to pull out his gun impatiently, and gave a quick answer. “Well I don’t care.”

“The more the merrier!” Dr. Coomer cheerfully chimed in.

“Yaay, now we can all each have a hundred dollars!” Tommy exclaimed, and it seemed like they all were more than ready to get this thing started. 

Gordon sighed heavily before taking his tiger mask out of his bag and pulling it over his face. Why was it so unsurprising that he’s the only one who cared that Benrey tried to murder them?

“Well… alright, Dr. Coomer, lead the way.”


	2. 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one's a little more action than dialogue but we gettin there! I changed up the casino heist a bit to fit my story better but dw they still go to the white house eventually, just not like they did in the stream.

The one part about robbing banks that wasn’t fun, was the horrible headaches that the constant sound of chaos and gunfire gave him. Every time Gordon shot his minigun, the horrible bursts of bullets tearing into the air made his brain feel like it was pulsing. It was nothing a little water, rest, and Advil couldn’t take care of after they were done, but in the moment it really did suck. This heist was going a lot slower than any of the others they’d done, and it was messier too. The fucking drills kept breaking and keeping track of who was down and needed medical help was hard, especially with the in-pouring of cops. Gordon would have liked to think that having an extra hand around was helpful and gave them more manpower, but Benrey was not making this any easier. 

The man had found a flamethrower of all things, and while he did a lot of damage with it, it wasn’t aimed towards their opponents very often. That and Gordon kept having to constantly yell at him for not leaving shit alone- like that fucking car in the middle of the Casino that he REALLY would have liked to take out of this place, but instead was now all burnt up along with some stray bullets penetrating the doors. It really was a shame. And yeah, it was already fucked up by the crossfire, but the difference is that Benrey was doing that on purpose. Oh my god and how could someone be so in the way? This WHOLE building had so much space to run around in and every time he turned around Benrey was bumping into him or walking into the line of fire. Not that the bullets he fired at him made any more difference than it did in black mesa. Which, actually was a bit strange because any other bullets seemed to hurt him just fine. Either way, the point is that at every turn Benrey was obstructing something and it was really getting obnoxious. 

The one thing Gordon didn’t mind was that Benrey was actually fighting. At least he was trying… in black mesa that bitch just sat there looking around and doing nothing. He’s not sure he ever did one thing to help them out, and his only kills had to have been innocent bystanders. Speaking of which, Benrey was currently aiming his flamethrower near a cowering woman who was simply attending the casino, and Gordon practically grabbed him by the scruff. “Don’t kill people not involved, dumbass!” Gordon pushed the other in the direction they were supposed to be going, and to his surprise, the other complied. Not without a little barely scathing insult that Gordon couldn’t even hear over the gunfire. 

“How’s everything going down there Dr. Coomer?” Gordon yelled from the balcony, pushing a cop over the side as he did.

“At this rate, I predict it will be 29 more sec- it will be 28 more seconds till the machine is done!” Coomer updated, and Bubby called from somewhere upstairs. 

“Bubby down!” The old timer yelled out to anyone who would listen, and just as Gordon was about to jump the balcony to get to the other, Tommy came running across the floor, spreading fire to cover himself as he went. “I’ve got you Bubby! Mr. Freeman, cover me!” 

“Yeah, I’ve got you!” Gordon focused his attention on making sure he picked off anyone that ran in Tommy and Bubby’s vicinity. As soon as Bubby was up and Gordon was able to make his way to the first floor, a metallic, wailing creak resounded over all the noise. Under the machine, a huge chunk of the floor caved in and crashed against the level below it. 

“Alright team, the vault should be in the second hall to the left, you’ll know it when you see it.” Darnold came in over the radio, and just as he was about to relay the plan to Benrey, who didn’t have an earpiece, he caught Dr. Coomer doing it for him. Great. Yeah, this was actually starting to go really well. The Science team jumped into the basement and set up a quick drill that only took a minute to do its work before they were in. 

“Damn, hundred dollars for all, eh?” Bubby said, and Gordon had to keep from rolling his eyes. 

They worked things in a chain, Bubby shoving as many stacks as he could into gym bags and throwing it to Gordon, who threw it to Tommy, then Coomer, and Benry was still on the first floor catching the bags thrown up to him. He was also the designated person to help pull people out, which could not have been a fun job. 

Coomer looked like he was a struggle to get back up out of the hole, but above all Gordon’s heavy armor and artillery proved to be almost impossible to pull. 

“Come on Benrey, let’s go, your grip is fucked up.” Gordon frustratedly guided, jumping up one more time and grabbing onto Benrey’s arm instead of his hand. This got them further, but Benrey’s hand slipped again and he didn’t make it. 

“My grip isn’t fucked up, that fucking suit is heavy, bro!” Benrey retaliated, and Gordon had to take a deep breath. Okay. They’re running out of time and clearly Benrey can’t lift him up like this. Maybe he needs a running start? Actually, that’s a good idea. Okay Freeman. This is gonna work. “Alright, I’m gonna take a running start and when I jump, you grab onto anything you can and drag me up okay?”

“Yeah whatever, hurry up bro.” Benrey confirmed flatly, but Gordon could see the concentration in his eyes. He had a good feeling about this one. Gordon backed up as far as he could, and with as much power as he could muster, ran up onto the pile of rubble and jumped. 

His hand hooked onto the edge of the flooring, and he scrambled to get a better grip and claw his way up. Gordon’s arm strength wasn’t enough to pull himself up, but Benrey reached under his neck plate and used what looked like the entire force of his body to pull Gordon up. After a few steps backwards Benrey began to fall backwards, providing the last bit of leverage for Gordon to pull himself all the way out. For just a moment he stayed collapsed onto Benrey, but didn’t let himself stay for long before struggling to stand.

“Fuck yeah dude, that’s what I’m talking about!” Gordon let out a laugh, and offered the other a hand to help him up as well. Benrey took it, and opened his mouth to say something, but Gordon’s attention had turned to Tommy who had ran back into the room, gesturing them to follow. 

“Mr. Freeman, we- we loaded the car, it’s time to leave!” 

It didn’t take long to book it to the car and get everyone inside. With a much too enthusiastic punch of the gas pedal, Bubby had their getaway van burning rubber and sending everyone who wasn’t buckled yet sliding around in the back seat. 

The van filled with enthusiastic recountings of their best heist yet and Gordon could barely make out anything anyone said individually, but the hype was reciprocated. Darnold congratulated them on a job well done, and after that, it was a successful ride back to everyone’s respective homes. Well, respective in a sense. Tommy lived on his own, and Dr. Coomer and Dr. Bubby lived in the same apartment complex. In fact, Gordon thought he remembered them purposefully becoming neighbors. That was probably for the best though- in black mesa most of the scientists lived in on-site dorms, and Bubby had been there his whole life. Bubby would do good to have someone living so close by. Gordon on the other hand, lived on his own in a condo about ten minutes away. With this money though? You bet he’s about to look for an actual house. 

Tommy was let off the van first, grabbing his own bag full of cash and slinging it over his shoulder. “Bye Dr. Coomer! Bye Bubby! By Mr. Freeman! And Bye Benrey, good to see you again!” Tommy methodically gave his goodbyes to everyone, and Gordon couldn’t help but wonder how it is that the most cheerful kid he’s ever met was also one of the most dangerous forces of nature. I mean damn, when Tommy gets in the zone, he can really fuck shit up. He did good today. They all did. Well… I mean most of them.

As they pulled away, Gordon’s thoughts went to Benrey, who was sitting across from him in the van, arms crossed and expression blank. Gordon was pretty fucking annoyed with him for most of the heist, but the more time went on he kind of felt like… I don’t know, he was having fun or something? Especially at the very end when Benrey was an actual help to their goal. What confused him the most was that he didn’t really feel angry anymore though. Annoyed, yes, but… not angry. He wanted to be, fuck even at the times during their heist where he caught himself having a good time, Gordon had to find some reason to get upset with Benrey again. It only felt right. Maybe after everything they’ve been through, he was just tired of hating him with every fiber of his being. That kind of hate really takes the energy out of you, and after black mesa, he just didn’t have it. 

“Yo Feetman what’s your problem?”

Gordon snapped out of his deep thoughts, realizing that he’d probably been staring at Benrey. Well, not even really AT Benrey, but just kind of… around him. He was spaced out. “Huh?”

“You thinkin’?” Benrey asked, which was kind of surprising that he didn’t just antagonize him more for staring. 

“Uh, yeah, sorry. Hey, so where do you live?” Gordon asked, now realizing that they’d have to drop him off somewhere. 

Benrey quirked his lips into that obnoxious smirk he often does. “Wouldn’t you like to know.”

Gordon clenched his jaw and took a breath. “No dumbass I don’t give a shit, we need to drive you home.” He explained firmly, and watched as Benrey took his gaze to the floor. Now he was the one who looked deep in thought. “Well?” He prodded after a while. 

“I dunno.”

“What… what do you mean you don’t know?” This was becoming frustrating. 

“Like, I dunno, I got a job at a casino.”

“Yeah? And? That has nothing to do with where you live.”

Dr. Coomer turned in his seat, clearing his throat a bit. “Gordon, pardon my interruption but guards were also often housed in dorms at the Black Mesa. This was so that in case of any emergency more guards could be deployed quickly to the area they were needed. I believe our dear friend needs somewhere to stay.”

Gordon immediately looked at Benrey, who didn’t necessarily confirm or deny, but just shrugged his shoulders. Fuck… really? So he’d been… what, sleeping in a casino? Did Benrey even sleep? He always fell asleep before him if he did. Next, his eyes darted to Coomer, who threw up his hands. “I’m sorry Mr. Freeman but our apartments both only have a single bedroom. I also haven’t acquired a couch yet.” Bubby added on, looking at Gordon in the rearview mirror. “And don’t look at me, I’m done with you people after a certain time of day, I don’t want guests.” 

Damn it, he should have figured. God… why did they have to have brought this up after Tommy left? He really didn’t want Benrey staying in his house. 

“Look it’s whatever nerd, I’ll just walk around somewhere and find a bench I don’t care.” Benrey assured, but even with his regular flat inflections, Gordon could sense the guilt tripping. Ooooh my god. For fucksake. 

“...No. That’s stupid. You can crash at my place, but it’s temporary, got it? And we’re gonna have a talk about rules and shit, because you can’t just do whatever you want okay? You better be grateful I’m not just letting you go sleep under a bridge or something.”

He could have sworn he saw a smile quirk at the corners of Benrey’s lips. “Yeah, sure, whatever. Can’t wait to see what kind of cringe decor you got. I bet you got a ‘live laugh love’ sign right above the door, dont’cha?” If Benrey wasn’t smiling before, he definitely was now, and as much as Gordon wanted to take offense to that, he couldn’t help but huff a small laugh. 

“I’ll kill you again, don’t think I won’t.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Whew sorry about this chapter! I feel like I could have done it better and I definitely want to get to Benrey and Gordon talking and stuff but I didn't want to rush it. Next chapter will get more into the good stuff. Anywho, as always kudos/comments are appreciated! I'll be working on the next chapter today as well so let's see how soon I can get it out lol


	3. 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gordon makes Benrey settle down in his home and questions why he even allowed this to happen.

Being alone, and I mean truly alone with Benrey, was… anxiety evoking to say the least. Even though he’d proven that he can go ten minutes without killing Gordon or any other of his friends, there was still that innate fear that maybe, just maybe, Benrey would decide to betray him again. In the past the other has had a weird habit of flipping between strangely clingy to straight up evil. Gordon couldn’t even begin to predict what was going on in that convoluted hamster wheel of a brain, but his only real option was to make his best guess and try damage control from there. 

Speaking of damage control, he’d been racking up a list in his head of things Benrey is absolutely forbidden to touch and do in his home. Now that he was keying into his front door, He felt like sitting his temporary roommate down like a child and giving that list out loud. He held the door open for the guard, and Benrey wandered in, immediately hanging left toward the kitchen, and Gordon practically grabbed him by the scruff. Fingers tightly wound around the fabric of his collar and pulled him back. “Woah, where do you think you’re going?” Gordon questioned, and Benrey gave him a disinterested, yet annoyed look back. 

“Uh… walking into your house? Chill.”

“No, you were gonna go snooping around. You can look around later. We need to go over rules.”

“Ugh-” Benrey rolled his eyes like a child, and Gordon had to cut him off. 

“Rule number one is you have to actually follow my rules, because if you don’t, I will kick you out and I don’t care where you go. I don’t care if it’s the middle of the night, you get one strike and you’re out. I’m serious.” That was probably a bit harsh, but really if he didn’t be hard on Benrey, he felt like nothing in his house would be respected.

“Two. If you don’t know how to work something, ask me. I don’t want you breaking my shit. Don’t be loud, don’t go into my room without asking, don’t bother me while I’m sleeping, don’t eat all my food, and when I tell you to stop doing something, you stop, no questions asked. And you know what, don’t touch any pictures or… or decorations or whatever, okay? Does that all sound good to you?” He asked, as if Benrey had any say in what rules he decided what to follow. 

“Uh, yeah, bro I’m not a monster I’m not gonna just wreck your dumb ass house for no reason. Dude it’s like you don’t even trust me.”

Gordon threw up his brows in surprise that benrey even thought that he might trust him. “I don’t.”

“And I think that’s very rude of you.” Benrey put his hand over his heart in mock pain, to which Gordon had to fight not to roll his eyes. 

“Anyway I guess I should give you the tour.” Gordon begrudgingly moved on, and kept Benrey in close proximity as he vaguely showed him his condo. The first floor was pretty easy to point out- it was a simple, open layout with the dining room, kitchen, and living room all connected, and then the only remaining parts were an entryway closet and a half bath. Upstairs was smaller, containing his room, the shared bathroom, and an office that he might bother to set up an air mattress for benrey in, if he felt like being nice. Or, he could just leave him on the couch too. He’d give some thought to it. 

As soon as he was done giving the tour, Gordon opened the door to his bedroom and stepped in, stopping Benrey as soon as he started to follow. Because of course he did. “Do you remember our rules? Just hang out here for a second.” Gordon commanded, and to his surprise the other actually listened. 

Gordon left him to look in his closet, wondering if he had anything Benrey’s size that he could wear. If he’s been in those same rank clothes since black mesa, which Gordon highly suspects because of the stench, there was no way Benrey was continuing to wear them in his house. He needed to take a shower, and as soon as he was done Gordon was gonna be right behind him. The HEV suit was absolutely cumbersome to wear, and he didn't want to have it on any more than he really needed to. Out of the corner of his eye he saw Benrey take a step forward, and Gordon whipped around to point at him. “Hey!” He snapped, one of Benrey’s feet barely making its way over the threshold of the doorway. It hesitantly receded back to whence it came. Why is he being weirdly… docile? I mean Gordon suspected that Benrey was more chill now earlier in the day, but it was still uneasy seeing him like this. 

After Gordon had done enough searching in his closet, it seemed like his options were very limited. But, he did have an old band T-shirt and a pair of sweatpants to spare. What Benrey had for underwear… well he didn’t know, and he didn’t really care. That sounds like a problem for him. After retrieving the relic clothing, Gordon met Benrey at the doorway and pushed the outfit into his arms. “If you have to stay in my house, you have got to change and shower. You can wear those for now, and I guess I can just wash your clothes you have on later. Hurry up and get your ass in there ‘cause I’m gonna use the bathroom right after you.”

Gordon tried to push past the other, but couldn’t do it without an uncomfortable amount of squeezing between Benrey’s side and the fucking door frame. God he always was like that. Always fucking in the way and oblivious to anyone else, even when it was obvious. It was… really hard giving him the benefit of the doubt when even the littlest things rose his temper. 

“I can’t wear this.” 

Speaking of temper. 

“Why, is it too small? What.” Gordon demanded, looking back to see Benrey holding out the mostly faded t-shirt. 

“This band fucking sucks. You actually listen to Linkin Park?” Benrey remarked snidely.

“You know what, I could have given you no shirt at all.”

“You’d like that wouldn’t you Feetman.”

Gordon couldn’t help himself, reaching out and smacking his hand against the side of Benrey’s stupid fucking helmet. The other scrambled to keep his headgear in place, quickly retracting his statement. “Okay okay fine! God, Gordos Footfungus can’t even take a stupid-”

“Go.”

“I’m going, man why are you so mean to me? I never even did anything.” Benrey mumbled on his way to the bathroom, and there was so much vitriol and anger that immediately swelled up in Gordon at that statement, but he had to be strong. Just… be strong. Gordon stepped inside his room and slammed the door shut, immediately taking a few deep breaths. 

Yes, Benrey may have gotten his hand cut off, gotten him shot at multiple times, betrayed him more than once, and been a constant aching thorn in his side, but… forgive and forget. That’s what the science team must have done, right? Right? How is it possible that they were just so… cool about this? It shouldn’t have surprised him- I mean by now he knows what they are, what they all are. He should know that whatever Benrey does to him can be undone, and that none of it is real. It just felt so, painfully real though. Maybe reality for him didn’t matter in the grand scheme of things, but Gordon really did feel things. Or at least, the simulation of things. And in response, he had simulated feelings. And aren’t those just as real as anything else? Maybe not, but either way, the fear of experiencing black mesa’s terrors all over again was very plausible given that one of that place’s anomalies was currently taking a relaxing shower in his house. 

Another breath. Benrey is just… Benrey. As much as talking with him gives Gordon ulcers, he was probably okay to be around. He just has to remind himself how genuine Benrey sounded when he said that it wouldn’t be fun to try and kill them again. And for someone like that, who can escape death and just keeps popping back up over and over, maybe he should believe him. What would Benrey even be gaining by doing the same thing he did last time, trying to get them to trust him and then just betraying them again?

Gordon tried putting those thoughts to rest before anxiety really started to take a toll on him, and instead focused on getting himself out of the HEV suit. It was never quite as horrible as the removal after black mesa, but still unpleasant. Sweaty. Sticky. Work.

Gordon first removed the gloves, then the major armor, before working to peel off the underlying parts of his suit. It was so refreshing to feel fresh air drying his still damp skin, and Gordon audibly sighed at the sensation. He just stood there in the middle of his room for the longest time, suddenly exhausted, before deciding that it was time for him to continue being an adult. The scientist found his own pair of around-the-house sweats to throw on, and used a paint shirt he didn’t care for. He’d probably put on something different after his shower just to feel extra fresh, but like hell was he going to walk around his house in underwear waiting for Benrey to get out of the shower. Eventually he did leave his room, and took a moment to stop by the bathroom door, making sure he heard water running.

He did, the pitter-patter of running water hitting skin, then tile. Less noticeable was another sound he didn’t quite expect to find. Benrey was humming. There was no song in particular, at least not one that he was familiar with, and as far as he could tell it didn’t seem like sweet voice. Just… humming. Now Gordon didn’t know anything about music, but for whatever reason although it shouldn’t sound melancholic, it just did. Like if someone asked him what about it made him feel that way, his answer would be somewhere between ‘I don’t know’ and ‘I just know’. 

Gordon didn’t know when he started leaning against the wall, but after some time his eyes had drifted closed and he just stood there, listening. The only thing that made him stop was the sudden gurgle in his stomach begging for him to fill it. Fuck, what is he even doing? Gordon quietly made his way downstairs, trying not to pay mind to the fact that he spent who knows how long sitting there listening to the relaxing, annoying, dulcet tones of his worst enemy humming in the shower. What the hell.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello all! I'm already working on the next chapter as we speak so it will probably not take long to pump out. Although I will be writing the whitehouse, I'm not sure if I'll go into it in as much detail as I did with the casino simply because I know what we're all really here for. For now, have some sweet sweet shower time.


	4. 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Benrey and Gordon domestic moments, that is all

Gordon could feel himself falling asleep waiting for his water to boil. Butter noodles aren’t the most flavorful of foods, but he really didn’t have the energy for anything more than that. They’d be filling enough. Eventually the soft sound of bubbling took place of the quiet in the kitchen, and Gordon pulled himself together enough to respond to it. Fettuccine was plopped into the pot, and he set a timer on his watch for a few minutes. Within that time, there was a creak coming from the direction of the stairs, and he looked up to find Benrey making his way down. 

It was the first time he’d seen Benrey outside of his uniform, and really, he wasn’t sure what he expected. Maybe he thought the other would come out of the bathroom with the exact same attire, or maybe that he’d at least keep his helmet on, but it wasn’t the case. The shirt fit long on him and so did the pants- he noticed that the ends were rolled up. He was substantially taller than him, so it made sense, but it was still funny to imagine Benrey scooting around the house with pants that didn’t fit. 

The strangest thing of all was seeing his face unobstructed. Benrey just… looked like a different person entirely. When you only see the eyes, nose, and mouth of someone, it really does open up a lot when the rest is in full view. His hair was black, slick from the water and pushed back, although a few strands found their way to the front. “What?” Benrey asked, and god did it feel so good to see the way his brows quirked. One major advantage to him having that stupid helmet off was that now he could actually see the emotions that crossed his face, at least a little. Usually Benrey just looked so deadpan. 

“I dunno, just never seen you out of your uniform is all.” Gordon turned back to his stove, picking up the spoon to start stirring some of the softening noodles.

“Yeah, I’m pretty hot, glad you can agree.” Benrey smirked, and yeah, the full effect was even worse than when he had the stupid helmet on. But, he tried not to let it get to him. If he let everything Benrey said get under his skin, Gordon wasn’t sure how he was going to survive. So instead, Gordon picked up a noodle from the pot, blew on it, and flicked it right at Benrey’s face. 

He didn’t flinch, which was typical, but did close the eye that the noodle landed over. It was Gordon’s turn to smile, a small snort of amusement coming from him. The noodle ended up in the trash, and Benrey seemed to make himself comfortable leaning against the counter. “What’s that?” He asked.

“Butter noodles. You want some when they’re done?”

Benrey’s eyebrows knit in thought, and maybe slightly, disgust. “No. That sounds terrible.”

“Okay, your loss.”

At first the quiet that fell over them was comfortable, but the more Benrey didn’t really get into anything or didn’t say anything, the less comfortable it got. Eventually, Gordon sighed. “So, don’t you wanna go turn on the TV or something? I have games. As long as you don’t fuck up my save files, you’re welcome to play.” Seeing as how games were a passtime Benrey spoke about quite a bit, that should get him out of the way for quite a while. 

“Mmmh… What kind of games?” The other asked, and Gordon had to think. What games did he have? Uh…

“I mean I’ve got a whole cabinet of them, just go look.”

“I’m comfortable here though.”

“Okay, I guess you don’t get to know then.”

“Tell me.”

Gordon sighed, and reached up to the cabinet to get a bowl out. He was just going to ignore that. The living room was right there, if he wanted to look then he’d have to walk his ass over there and find out for himself. It wasn’t long before a loud groan came from behind him. 

“Aren’t you tired? I mean we did just come back from an insane heist, you have to be like… I dunno, tuckered out a little, right?” Gordon questioned, hoping the answer was what he wanted to hear. Unfortunately he looked behind him to see the other shaking his head. 

Okay. If he wasn’t going to preoccupy himself, he figured maybe he can eat dinner and put on a movie for him to be distracted with. Yeah. A movie sounded nice. Then as soon as he was done eating he could bail and just take a good thorough shower. Oh, and to slide in between his sheets and sleep for a solid ten hours. That… that’s the life. Hell yeah. 

Gordon turned the stove off and finished up his cooking, pouring the noodles into a bowl and leaving Benrey in the kitchen as he moved to the living room. Just as expected, Benrey was trotting along right behind him. Just like always. 

He said nothing as the TV was turned on and he toggled to his netflix account, searching through the latest releases and ultimately finding nothing he was interested in there. Benrey joined him on the couch, one cushion too close. Why would anyone in their right mind not take the armrest seat if it was available? Gordon stared at him for a moment, unsure if he should tell him to move. I mean he isn’t really harming anything, but it’s just… it’s like picking the urinal right next to someone when there’s enough for a space between you. 

“Dude, you are way too close to me.” Gordon griped, and Benrey looked like he was thinking of a response to that. 

“You’re too close to me.”  
...Lord give him strength. Gordon just sighed in defeat, turning his attention back to the screen in front of them. 

“I thought we were playing games?” Benrey asked. 

“Huh? What makes you think that?”

“You asked me if I wanted to play with you. We had a whole conversation about it.” 

Gordon made a face, slowly shaking his head. “No, Benrey, we didn’t. I asked you if you wanted to play games and you were being difficult so I took it as a no. Now I’m looking for a movie.”

“...Wh.. huh? No, you totally said we should play games together. Don’t you remember? We- you said… you had games. Probably on your playstation. We- we could play surfing H3O-”

“No, I fucking didn’t, you’re- are you fucking gaslighting me? Huh? Why the fuck do you do that?” Gordon asked, disbelief in his voice. 

“Huh?? No- you have baby brain or something? Little infant memory, huh Feetman? Why you gettin mad, friend?” Benrey argued, and fuck why did he have to sound so genuine? 

Actually, now that he was really paying attention, he looked pretty damn genuine too. A moment passed and something dawned on him. “Dude are you actually being serious? For real?”

“Yeah? Whatever it’s not a big deal we can watch some dumb movie it’s your house, I don’t care.” Benrey responded, looking kind of uncomfortable now. Holy shit. No… that can’t be, right? Did he actually think they had that conversation? No… no he’s fucking with him. Gordon shook his head a bit, completely ignoring the oncoming confusing thoughts about Benrey’s memory. Maybe he really did have some problem with that sort of thing. In their time knowing each other Benrey’s said so much strange shit that Gordon had no idea how to respond to, and the thought of it being due to some sort of actual problem the other had made him a little nauseous.

If that was true, it still wouldn’t make up for everything. Although Gordon knew none of this was real, as far as he knows, there were still just certain things he wasn’t sure he could forgive and forget. Having your own arm horribly amputated while awake and unsedated because of someone currently chilling on your couch was one of those things. 

Gordon picked a movie about space without any further conversation. Benrey had mumbled something about space being lame, and Gordon had simply rolled his eyes at it. But other than that, it seemed like he was going to get some peace and quiet after all.

Almost an hour passed, and Gordon was realizing that something about watching a movie together made things so… civil. Benrey was quiet and paid attention well enough, although he eventually had to put the captions put on with the amount of ‘what’d they say’s Gordon had to answer. Before he knew it, they were both lounging comfortably and even having idle conversation that Gordon couldn’t help but note that he didn’t hate. When Benrey wasn’t annoying the hell out of him, he was actually pretty funny. I mean Gordon laughed at him a lot, but truth be told it was usually out of exasperation or irritation- because when the world is falling apart around, he’s learned that laughing is a pretty good way to combat losing your mind over every little thing that goes wrong. But now, here, things just felt different. Ever since they’ve unexpectedly reunited, Gordon really didn’t feel… hate. 

He doesn’t hate Benrey.

That was a thought he never thought he’d have. But, alas, he doesn’t. If he really truly hated him, there would have been no second chances and that bitch would never have stepped foot in his house. But instead, here he is, laying on the couch, complaining that the characters not catching onto the phenomenon that’s happening on the ship is ridiculous. And here Gordon is, agreeing with him, sitting completely unguarded, and by god maybe even relaxed. 

There they are.

By no stretch of the imagination does he like Benrey, but he just can’t bring himself to hate the man. 

The night dwindles down and even the exciting swell of the plot can’t seem to keep Gordon awake enough to be enthusiastic about it. His eyes feel heavy, and he isn’t sure if he can even last through the conclusion. In fact, he must have dozed off, because the hand against his arm startled him back into reality. 

“You’re gonna miss the end, bro.” Benrey warned, and Gordon groaned a bit. 

“Yeah, sorry I’m really fucking exhausted. I think I’m just gonna get in the shower real quick and hit the hay, actually, let me know what happens.” Gordon really had to muster up the energy to stand, but he did, leaning back to stretch before heading towards the stairs. 

He was almost out of earshot when a defeated “Yeah man, will do.” came from behind him.

Gordon felt a little bad, but being awake after such a long day was actually becoming painful, and there was no way he could go to bed feeling so grimy. So, he turned on the shower and waited impatiently for the water to warm. Fingers fumbled with the hair tie keeping his ponytail in place, and now that he looked in the mirror, he kind of looked like a mess. Stray hairs stuck out everywhere, and he still had the smallest bit of blood splatter dried onto his forehead. It was… really strange not having to worry about the consequences of their heists. One thing about this world, he supposed, was that for whatever reason once they’re far enough away from the banks, it’s like it was just over. No one chased them. No one found them. They just… win. It was still a strange reality to get used to. Gordon tries so hard not to think about it, but that’s an extremely difficult thought to surpass. How long has it been since he turned on the water?

Gordon undressed and let the warm water melt the day away. His hair became heavy as it soaked, and he couldn’t help but let out an undignified noise at the way his scalp felt after hours of having a ponytail up. His hands came up to massage it, and eventually to scrub the dirt and grime from his head and everywhere else that needed cleaning. 

The moment he stopped the water, the cool air made him feel uncomfortable, but it was nothing a towel couldn’t fix. Gordon dried himself off and redressed, sluggishly making his way out of the bathroom. He could still see the glow from the tv from upstairs, and Gordon looked over the railing. Benrey was below on the couch, seemingly just watching the credits. 

“Hey,” Gordon called, and the other looked up at him. “How’d it end?”

The former security guard looked a bit dazed, but eventually answered. “Uhm. Y’know, they got back to earth kinda, but the husband on the ground saw this huge godzilla type monster and it cut to credits. Lame.” He only sounded half interested. 

“Oh shit, maybe there’ll be a sequel then. I’m going to bed though so… don’t fuck anything up while I’m asleep. Guest bedroom’s yours.”

He wasn’t sure why, but he could have sworn he saw some note of dissatisfaction in Benrey’s expression. He seemed like he was trying to work up a sentence, but Gordon was far too tired to be patient with him right now, and turned to leave. 

If he had stayed, he probably wouldn’t have even been able to hear it from the second floor railing. He wouldn’t make out Benrey’s words as he told him goodnight.


End file.
